i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
