A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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