I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
