u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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