She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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