I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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