Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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