the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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