if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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