I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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