id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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