It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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