And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
