i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
