Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
