He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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