fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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