Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
