those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
