Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
