May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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