if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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