well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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