We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize