i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
