The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
