bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
