I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
