She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
