I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
