do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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