Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize