she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
