My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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