and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
