the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize