yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
