So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
