I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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