I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
