I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize