He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
