I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize