never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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