that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
