We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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