i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
