Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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