Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry about my life...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
