Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
