3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
