Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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