i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We are two peas in an std pod
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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