Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
