you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize