next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
