just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
