we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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