shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
