6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
