At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
