So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my phone needs a breathalizer
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
