Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
