Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
