We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize