I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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