Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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