I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
