I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize