you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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